Room-Sharing with an Infant and Toddler: How I Made It Work
When your family grows, so does the challenge of figuring out where everyone sleeps! Room-sharing can be a beautiful way for siblings to bond, but it also comes with its own set of hurdles—especially when one of those siblings is a baby who still wakes frequently at night. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that babies sleep in their parents’ room for the first six months, but at some point, many families transition their baby into a shared room with an older sibling.
I’ve been through this transition twice—first when we moved Hank into Sadie’s room, and then when we put Rosemary into Hank’s room while moving Sadie into her own. Each time came with its own joys and challenges, but ultimately, our kids have learned to share space and sleep well (most of the time!). If you’re considering a similar setup, here’s what I’ve learned along the way.
Preparing for the Transition
Consider Your Toddler’s Readiness – Some toddlers are excited about having their sibling join them, while others feel more hesitant. If your older child is still waking frequently or struggling with big sleep transitions themselves, it may be worth waiting a little longer before making the move.
Talk About the Change Ahead of Time – When we moved Hank in with Sadie, we framed it as something fun and exciting: “You get a roommate!” We read books about siblings sharing rooms and let Sadie have some say in how we arranged the space. The move of Roo into Hank’s room was a little tougher… with more hesitancy from Hank (he had had his own room for a long time!) But we made space for the crib and similarly gave him input when we rearranged the room.
Create a Sleep-Friendly Environment – Using a white noise machine can help drown out small sleep disturbances. Blackout curtains and a predictable bedtime routine also make a big difference in keeping everyone well-rested.
Make it Fun! – Where kids sleep is a big deal. We keep toys out of their bedrooms as much as possible, but making this feel like a fun transition to look forward to makes a huge difference… I think we talked about it with each kid starting even before the babies were born!
Handling Night Wakings
What If the Baby Cries? – This is probably the biggest concern! When Rosemary first moved into Hank’s room, I worried that every night waking would lead to both kids crying. To my surprise, Hank actually slept through a lot of Rosemary’s fussing. Sometimes toddlers become accustomed to certain sounds and don’t wake up as easily as we think they will.
Responding Quickly – If your baby wakes up crying, try to get to them quickly before they fully wake their sibling. Unfortunately, you both may need to be on call for a while.
Adjust Expectations – There will be rough nights. The first few weeks might involve some back-and-forth, but over time, kids adjust to their new sleeping arrangement.
Encouraging a Smooth Transition
Try Falling Asleep Separately – Sadie loved falling asleep in our room and we made a plan, letting her know that we would move her to her own bed after she fell asleep. We did the same thing with Hank! Giving the older kids a special way to fall asleep is a way to make them feel specifically cared for.
Keep Bedtime Routines in Sync – Once both kids are 3+ put them to bed at the same time. If your toddler or big kid has a later bedtime, try a quiet wind-down activity while the baby falls asleep first (like reading quietly).
Give Your Toddler a Role – We found that Hank felt more connected to Rosemary’s presence when he had a small job, like helping turn out the overhead light or picking out a bedtime book.
Know When to Take a Break – If the transition isn’t working after giving it some time, it’s okay to press pause. Sometimes a few more weeks or months make all the difference.
The Sweet Side of Room-Sharing
I’m telling you all of this based on my own experience with my own three babies… so what do things look like right now? This is an ideal night… not every night.
At 6:30pm, I nurse Rosemary and read a book. Then I brush her teeth.
Hopefully, during that time, my husband is brushing the big kids teeth and getting pajamas on (Except my big girl because she’s so clever and just wears the dress she wants to wear tomorrow to bed).
Then it’s Papa’s turn to sing a song and give hugs and kisses and say night night to the baby.
And I take over reading to the big kids. Usually we are either in Sadie’s room or in my bed for a book or a chapter or two. Sadie eventually ends up in her room, listening to her song on her Hatch, while Hank stays in our bed.
I snuggle with whoever seems more tired first, and then go snuggle with the other one. And their Pop comes to say goodnight when Rosemary is asleep.
If Rosemary cries in the middle of the night, it rarely wakes up Hank. When Hank cried in the middle of the night it never woke up Sadie. On the rare occasion where the older kid gets awoken you sometimes do have two crying babies on your hands! But it’s okay.
Despite the challenges, one of the most heartwarming parts of siblings sharing a room is seeing their bond grow. I’ve walked in to find Hank sleeping with Sadie in her bed… and I’ve heard Hank and Rosemary chatting in the mornings... Yes, there are hard nights, but there’s also something beautiful about siblings learning to coexist, comfort each other, and share space in a way that will serve them for years to come.
If you’re in the thick of this transition, know that it gets easier! Your little ones will learn how to sleep together, and eventually, you might even find yourself catching a few more uninterrupted hours of sleep, too.
Love,
Emily
