Hypervigilance and Intrusive Thoughts: What No One Tells You About New Parenthood
When you bring a new baby home, people will tell you about the diapers, the sleepless nights, the snuggles, the feeding challenges.
But what often doesn’t get talked about? The way your brain shifts into hyper-alert mode. That constant scanning for danger. The “what if” thoughts that pop up when you least expect them. The scary mental images that make you wonder, “Am I losing it?”
I want you to know—I’ve been there too. With all three of my kids, I had intrusive thoughts that sometimes felt absolutely debilitating. They weren’t just fleeting little “what ifs.” They stuck, they looped, and they left me feeling shaken.
Even now, I find it hard to watch movies—pretty much any movie where I know I’ll have an emotional reaction can be overwhelming. Sharing that feels important, because if you’ve been through it, you know how real and consuming these thoughts can be.
So if this is you—please know: you are not alone, and you are not broken.
Why Hypervigilance Happens
Your brain is wired for protection. During pregnancy and postpartum, your nervous system gets an extra dose of vigilance to keep you tuned in to your baby’s needs. That’s part of the reason you wake up at the faintest squeak, or feel your heart race if someone else holds your newborn “wrong.”
A little bit of hypervigilance is normal. It’s biology. It helps you care for your baby.
But when that hyper-alert state doesn’t turn off—when you’re constantly on edge, unable to rest, unable to trust anyone else—it can start to harm your mental health.
Intrusive Thoughts: The Unwelcome Visitors
Intrusive thoughts are those scary, unwanted mental images or “what if” scenarios that show up out of nowhere. For example:
“What if I drop the baby down the stairs?”
“What if the baby stops breathing while I’m asleep?”
“What if something terrible happens while my in-laws are watching the baby and I can’t stop it?”
They can feel graphic, overwhelming, and even shame-inducing. (Like WHY IS MY BRAIN THINKING THAT?!)
Here’s the key thing to know: intrusive thoughts do not mean you want to act on them. I know you know that already. But it feels important to say outloud. They’re a stress response—your brain’s way of scanning for possible danger.
Most parents have them. We just don’t talk about it enough.
The Evidence Behind Support and Mental Health
Research shows that intrusive thoughts are common in postpartum parents—up to 90% of new mothers report them, and many fathers/partners do too. For most, they pass quickly. But when combined with sleep deprivation, anxiety, or lack of support, they can spiral into more serious postpartum anxiety or postpartum OCD.
The good news? Studies also show that social support and mental health care are protective. Parents with strong support networks, open conversations, and access to therapy or community resources experience fewer long-term struggles with hypervigilance and intrusive thoughts.
In other words—your village, your rest, and your ability to say, “I need help” matter more than you realize.
What Helps
If you’re dealing with hypervigilance or intrusive thoughts:
Name it. Saying “this is an intrusive thought” takes away some of its power.
Share it. Talk with a trusted friend, partner, or professional. You are not the only one.
Ground yourself. Simple breathwork, body scans, or movement can help calm your nervous system. (come inside the beyond birth blueprint and I’ll walk with you through these practices!)
Get help if it feels unmanageable. Postpartum mental health specialists are out there, and you deserve support.
Where THRIVE Comes In
This is where it all comes together. The T in THRIVE helps you tune in to your body… the V in THRIVE—Village—matters so deeply. You are not meant to hold this all alone. The I—Intentional movement—keeps your body strong and can serve as a wonderful distraction. And the R—Rest—is also key, because when you’re sleep-deprived, your brain gets stuck in danger mode.
Inside Beyond Birth Baby Steps, our 6-week cohort model container… we talk about these very things—how your nervous system works, why rest and support matter, and how to find your footing when your brain feels like it’s running the show.
If you’ve been there (or you’re there now), please know: hypervigilance and intrusive thoughts are not a sign that you’re failing. They’re a sign that your nervous system needs care, and that you deserve support.
Love,
Emily
